The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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