Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
