I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
