ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
