I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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