I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
