dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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