My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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