i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
