just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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