so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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