Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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