Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
