2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
After last night, I could never be a politician.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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