There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
