Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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