im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
