R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
