he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
