i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
