Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
