I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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