Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
