why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
