So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
