I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
