Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
