The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
40s are totally the cure
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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