oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
