4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
