I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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