I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize