Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
