Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
