do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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