so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
