Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
