is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
