Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
