I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
