i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
