Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
