Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
