We won't sleep together?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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