If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
