I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
