I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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