Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
