happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
