I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
