i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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