Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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