It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
