Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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