Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
