**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
