Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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