you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
