Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
