So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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