I wanna bring you to show and tell
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
