Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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