did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
