I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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