My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is Oprah even human
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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