I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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