Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
