im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
