My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
